Sons Of Jackson
by Petersgirl2011
Summary: ***SEQUEAL TO RICHOCHET OF LOVE You have to read it first to understand this story. Jackson made them brothers. Their hearts made them outlaws. Abel has taken over the gavel. Finding out all the thing you must do to lead. But when he finds out the secrets too; it sends him in a new direction. Questioning Jackson and searching for answers. Just like Jackson did with Clay.
1. Chapter 1

************I do not own any of the characters; they belong to who they belong to. No copy right intended. This story is rated mature. It contains profanity, violence and adult situations.**********

**Chapter 1**

**YOU MUST READ ...RICOCHET OF LOVE...FIRST TO UNDERSTAND WHAT IS GOING ON IN THIS STORY!**  
><strong>xoxo<strong>  
><strong>PG<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>ABELS POV<strong>

Going for a ride to the bank to clean out Dad's safety deposit box. It's been a couple of weeks since he's been gone. I was finally getting everything done I needed too. I took the long way there just so I could think. When I ride it always helps clear my head.

I had to show them the death certificate so they would let me get into it. I folded it back up slowly and put it back into my cut. It was the first time I really looked at that. It's been the small things that keep hitting me the hardest over the last couple of days.

Knowing dad, who in the hell knows what I'd find in there. Thomas and Crystal wanted to come with me but, I thought it was best if they didn't. If there's something that would hurt his family, they would never know about it. Cause I would destroy it and keep his secret. I won't let his legacy be tarnished by some of the wrong things that I already know he did. The more shit I find of his; the more secrets I know he was carrying with him.

There were stacks of cash, nothing unusual about that. When you earn above the law you never keep it all in one place. A bunch of papers and a large manilla envelope. I threw it all in a bag and would go through it some other time.

Riding by his old house. I almost went in but decided that I would wait to tackle that shit another day. Fuck I can only imagine all the shit I'm gonna in find in there that I don't wanna know about.

I've been open with Thomas since Dad has been gone. Maybe that was my first mistake. He doesn't understand retaliation the way I do. Cause usually all he ever goes on are pussy type runs. I don't think he would have even patched in if Dad hadn't forced him into. I think it was the guilt that finally got Thomas to do it.

"He wrote this for us and you should at least take the time to read it Thomas. There's so much shit no one knew about him and the way he struggled."

Thomas didn't feel any of this was important and I don't think he could care less about who dad really was or things he tried to do. I know Thomas has never had the love for the club like I have.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Riders of the Storm<strong>_  
><em><strong>Brothers of Love; Outlaws by Heart<strong>_  
><em><strong>By Jackson Teller<strong>_  
><em><strong>For my sons, my life, Abel and Thomas<strong>_

_**.**_

_**Everyman carries a gun as his own symbol of allegiance and strength. But a true outlaw carries it cause he's sworn to violence and his own insatiable will for power.**_

_**Sometimes you gotta talk out of your gun. Sometimes you gotta talk out of your mouth to get what you want and make shit happen.**_

_**Violence is our way of life and how we survive it. It will be our ending too.**_

_**I wanna make sure you both become a better man than me.**_

_**In loving memory of: JT, Piney, Opie and Andrew.**_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Entry 1-<strong>_

_**There will be days when your**_  
><em><strong>forced to make decisions that<strong>_  
><em><strong>affect the lives of everyone you<strong>_  
><em><strong>love. Choices that will change<strong>_  
><em><strong>you forever.<strong>_

_**You reach an age when you**_  
><em><strong>realize being a man isn't about<strong>_  
><em><strong>respect or strength. It's about<strong>_  
><em><strong>all the lives you touch. I'm at that<strong>_  
><em><strong>place boys. I'm staring one of those<strong>_  
><em><strong>decisions in the face and it looks<strong>_  
><em><strong>back at me with historical eyes.<strong>_  
><em><strong>It calls me a coward, killer, a<strong>_  
><em><strong>fraud.<strong>_

_**It wants me to crack and run**_  
><em><strong>from my service of my fate like a<strong>_  
><em><strong>broken boy. Today I will not be that.<strong>_  
><em><strong>I will be the man my father tried<strong>_  
><em><strong>to be. I will make you proud.<strong>_

_**.**_

_**Entry 2-**_

_**By now I'm sure that you've**_  
><em><strong>figured out for yourself that I'm<strong>_  
><em><strong>embracing my outlaw side.<strong>_  
><em><strong>Welcoming it in and dancing<strong>_  
><em><strong>with the devil for it. I've traveled<strong>_  
><em><strong>it's full circle and I'm back where<strong>_  
><em><strong>I started, having to kill to make<strong>_  
><em><strong>shit right again.<strong>_

_**On my watch I've let my family**_  
><em><strong>side suffer. You can't be both.<strong>_  
><em><strong>You have to be willing to give<strong>_  
><em><strong>more to one side than the other<strong>_  
><em><strong>at times. Or just completely get<strong>_  
><em><strong>out of one. I'm gonna do what I gotta<strong>_  
><em><strong>do no matter the consequences I<strong>_  
><em><strong>must face for it.<strong>_

_**But you've gotta get bloody and**_  
><em><strong>cruel. Sacrifice what you love the<strong>_  
><em><strong>most and that's been the struggle<strong>_  
><em><strong>that I've had. No matter if I fail<strong>_  
><em><strong>know that I still love you. You'll<strong>_  
><em><strong>have the chance to grow up to be<strong>_  
><em><strong>the man that I could never be.<strong>_

* * *

><p>Thomas only read the first few entries before he was done with it. He tossed it back on my desk "This doesn't mean shit Abel. I loved Dad just as much as you did. But he was rambling in there about a lot of nothing. He was probably drunk or stoned when he wrote most of it. Let it go man."<p>

I always thought Thomas and I were so different cause we had different moms. He has always been more protected from the club life than I was. More on the outside of it. But now, I don't think that's it at all.

Thomas is very educated like Tara. Hell I couldn't wait to quit school and get that cut on my back. But not Thomas. He hangs out sometimes in the clubhouse but he doesn't know shit about what we really do. I don't think he could kill anyone if he had to.

When Thomas would go shopping at some fancy clothing store, he would wear that in the clubhouse. Dad would just shake his head "How in the fuck did I raise a pussy ass biker is beyond me."

That's exactly what Thomas is too. He only wears the best and everything is just a symbol status to him. That's the part of the cut he does love. Everyone in Charming gives us respect cause of it and fears us. Not mention all the pussy you could ever want.

"I'm thinking about going to talk to Lilyan about Cain. Do you wanna do a ride along with me?" Thomas thinks I'm obsessed on this subject too.

"How do you know Abel that Dad didn't know about him?" I told him again what Cain had said again. His father died before he was born.

"Yeah I know that. But that doesn't mean that Lilyan didn't tell Dad and he didn't want to have anything to do with the kid." Thomas is so fucking hard-headed. There is no way Dad knew about Cain being his son. The way he spent the rest of his life dwelling over Lilyan and torturing himself because he wasn't with her.

I didn't give a shit what Thomas thought about it. I was gonna talk to her anyways. There's a part of me that's gotta know the truth. The truth about a lot of things that everyone seems to wanna hide or pretend like it didn't happen. I rode all day to get to where Lilyan lives. I wasn't sure how to approach her yet. But I'd figure it out once I got there.

Lilyan answered the door and didn't look like she was surprised to see me "Abel, what can I do for you?"

Asking if she had a second to talk, she came outside and we sat down on the porch. I tried to be subtle about it and we talked about nothing but bullshit stuff. Then I decided fuck it just ask her "I need to know Lilyan is Cain Dad's son?"

She tried to act like I was out of my mind and had no idea what I was talking about. I took the letters out of my cut that Dad had written to her over the years and gave them to her.

She only read a couple of them and was trying hard to not break down but, she finally did. I went to try to comfort her but, she pushed me away "You need to leave and don't ever come back here."

Lilyan gave the letters back and told me she didn't want them "I just wanna know the truth that's all. Dad kept journals Lilyan. He wrote about everything. Including when you were with him."

She had a horrified look on her face when I said that "I don't care what Jaxs wrote. It doesn't mean anything."

"I know there's more to it than you two just deciding to part ways. I've asked everyone in the club and they all give me a fucken different version of the story. Nobody will answer my questions. That's all I really want, is just some fucken answers."

Going into the house cause Lilyan couldn't get away from me fast enough "We don't have anything to talk about because there's nothing to tell you. You need to leave."

"Fine. How about I'll have this conversation with Cain? Let's see how he feels about it when I show him what Dad wrote and when he figures out you've been lying to him all these years."

"You need to listen to me Abel. I loved Jackson and he was a good man. But you have no idea how much bad shit your stirring up right now. Somethings are best left buried where they belong. Let your father rest in peace and don't you come back here again." I left cause there was no talking to her. She slammed the door shut in my face along with the Dad's memory. But I know she's hiding something and I'm gonna find out what it is.

I've put off going through his papers from the safety deposit box. I needed to get his life insurance taken care of so I could finally have this shit finished. Putting in trash what wasn't important. After this I just need to get his house ready to go on the market then I can put that part of it to rest.

Opening his wallet I found; pictures of me and Thomas when we were babies, a picture of one of our baby sonogram, money, condoms and bunch of bitches phone numbers.

There was a picture of Lilyan all dressed up in red dress with a fancy hairdo. I think she was setting at the bar of the clubhouse before it got remodeled when the picture was taken. It was worn from time and being carried around all those years. She looked so beautiful though. When I flipped it over; _Madam Lil_ "What the fuck. Was she a hooker too?"

I went to stick the pictures in Crystal's photo album when I noticed the sonogram picture had a name typed on it; Andrew Teller "Jesus Christ how many fucken kids does he have that we don't know about?"

The cash I would divide up between me and Thomas. I thought about Cain but, decided from the looks of their house and what they drove they probably don't really need the money anyways. Besides how would I explain that to him. Here's some cash from your old man you never knew about.

Looking over all the papers there wasn't anything else that I needed to do. I opened the envelope up and I found two trust funds that had been setup by some corporation. Dad was listed as the beneficiary in case of our death and until we reached the age of twenty one. But it was the amount that blew me away. Each one was worth one hundred thousand dollars. Not exactly something that someone who lived on an outlaw budget could ever afford.

There was so many damn things going on since he died that made no sense to me. Inside there was also a letter too.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Jaxs,<strong>_

_**I waited until you left the clubhouse to put this in the mailbox. I know we aren't suppose to ever meet again. We have to protect our families from what we've done. No one can ever know our truths.**_

_**This is for Abel and Thomas to have for when they grow up. I wanted to make sure that they were taken care of. I know you didn't want any of the money but, it's only right that they have it.**_

_**When you came into my life all I had was grief and sorrow. I know that I'm still responsible for what happened to my family because of who I am but, you eased that pain for me.**_

_**I once told you that I didn't have room for anyone but Gabriel and Addison in my life or in my heart. That I would truly never love again. But, I was so wrong. You have been my broken heart savior. Giving me more than you will ever know.**_

_**I really didn't want the weekend we spent together to ever come to an end. It will be the last memory I have of you. The last time I will ever get to lay in your arms. But we can't keep sneaking around hoping that no one will find out. This has to be our ending. I will always have a piece of you with me that I will protect and love forever.**_

_**Please don't come looking for me again. We are only hurting each other more by doing this. I will be gone by the time you get this. Quietly will have slipped away in the night.**_

_**I will never stop loving you,**_

_**Lily**_

* * *

><p>Going through Dads journals by dates trying to see if he wrote about their meeting. I couldn't find anything in there. He had so many separate notebook that he wrote shit in. I found one that had on the front of it;<em> Ricochet Of Love.<em> It was all about Lilyan.

The only entry I found that even came close to the time frame was when he went on a run alone.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Sabbatical Run<strong>_  
><em><strong>The best weekend of my life.<strong>_

_**When a man truly loves a woman it doesn't end**_  
><em><strong>even when they leave you.<strong>_

_**What a fool I was to think I could get by**_  
><em><strong>with only these few million tears I've cried.<strong>_  
><em><strong>I should have known the worst was yet to come.<strong>_  
><em><strong>And that crying times for me had just begun.<strong>_

_**Cause today I started loving you again.**_  
><em><strong>I'm right back where I've really always been.<strong>_  
><em><strong>I get over you just long enough to let my heartache<strong>_  
><em><strong>start mending, then I rip my heart open and start<strong>_  
><em><strong>loving you all over again.<strong>_

* * *

><p>That must have been it and maybe that's when she became pregnant with Cain too. I'm now more sure than ever that Dad didn't know anything about him. That's the most confusing part. Why would she not tell him about having his child?<p>

The only thing I could think of was she had a family already. That could be why everyone was acting like it was some dirty little secret. She mentioned Gabriel and Addison. I needed to know more about them too.

After reading several entries I know Dad never stopped loving her. People are hiding a bunch of shit from me.

* * *

><p>I<em><strong>t's been a year, since the last time I've seen her.<strong>_  
><em><strong>My God, I could swear it was ten. And all the<strong>_  
><em><strong>liquor I've drank to forget her. Is gonna kill me but<strong>_  
><em><strong>fuck it I'll keep drinking til then.<strong>_

_**I've been living in hell with a broken heart as my**_  
><em><strong>prison cell. Still paying for my cheating crime and<strong>_  
><em><strong>I've got a long ways to go cause I'm still doin' time<strong>_  
><em><strong>for that one too.<strong>_

_**It's been twenty to life in a place where the sun**_  
><em><strong>never shines for me. For so much shit I've done in<strong>_  
><em><strong>my life and for the club. And tomorrow you're<strong>_  
><em><strong>gonna find me right here in this clubhouse sitting at<strong>_  
><em><strong>the head of the table, still doin' time.<strong>_

_**Still doin' time, where a man ain't gonna ever be**_  
><em><strong>forgiven. My poor heart is breaking and there's no<strong>_  
><em><strong>escaping it no matter how much I fucken try. Each<strong>_  
><em><strong>morning I wake up and I find, I'm still doin' time<strong>_  
><em><strong>without Lil in my life...<strong>_

* * *

><p>He had filled up the entire notebook of her. Some of it was hard to read cause when he wrote it when he was either drunk or stoned out of his mind. There wasn't enough time for me to sit and read it all. I flipped to the last page that were dated the week he died.<p>

* * *

><p><strong><em>The bars are all closed. It's four in the morning and<em>**  
><strong><em>I must have shut 'em all down by the shape that I'm<em>**  
><strong><em>in. I laid my head on the handle bars to just catch<em>**  
><strong><em>my breath and the fucken horn started honking.<em>**  
><strong><em>The whole neighborhood knows it's just the biker<em>**  
><strong><em>home drunk again.<em>**

**_I tripped on the floor when I came stumbling in_**  
><strong><em>from another empty day of no love in my life.<em>**  
><strong><em>Goddamn it's been four bottles since I tried to<em>**  
><strong><em>forget her. My memories of her was still with<em>**  
><strong><em>me while I laid on the floor trying to sober up<em>**  
><strong><em>enough to get my pathetic ass up.<em>**

**_I can't hold up much longer the way I feel. God if_**  
><strong><em>drinking don't kill me. Lil's memory will...<em>**

* * *

><p>How in the fuck did I miss what Dad was going through? I was by his side all the time and I never saw it. I knew he had feelings for Lilyan when I was growing up and loved her. But he was completely broken, bleeding on the inside and I never knew it. He was hiding it from all of us, the hell he was living through everyday. I rode the next morning with him after he wrote this and he was in the middle of it. Strong and taking care of club business as usual.<p>

The last couple years is when I noticed the biggest change in Dad. When we would retaliate he would always want to be the one that pulled the trigger. He never showed fear and would walk straight towards the line of gun fire instead of taking cover from it.

Jackson Teller feared no man and nothing. Not even the reaper coming for him. Just to find out it was a woman who made him weak and just her memory brought him to his knees.

The more I read and find out the more none of this makes any fucken sense to me. Why did he stay with Tara all those years if he loved Lilyan so much? If Lilyan loved him why would she leave him so far behind?

Locking that shit up in my safe cause nobody needed to see it. No one needs to know that truth about his weakness. Thomas will never know about this either. It would just give him another reason to distance himself from Dad even more.

I asked Dalton to find out anything he could about the Children of Tomorrow Corporation. I told him to find out everything he could about Lilyan too "Keep this shit between me and you."

This is not how I wanna start things out in the club, hiding secrets from them like Dad had done. He had so many secrets that even I didn't know about serving by his side everyday. But until I know the truth it was the only alternative I've got. I'm also gonna keep this from Thomas for now too. Right or wrong it's just the way shit has gotta be.

Riding home I saw Lilyan in the Police Station parking lot. By the time I turned my bike around and got back she was already gone. I went to find out what the fuck she was doing here "She was asking questions about Jaxs death. She got a copy of the police report and wanted pictures of the crime scene but I told her I couldn't release those to her."

Lilyan was confusing the hell out of me. When I went to see her a couple of days ago, she didn't wanna even talk about Dad. Now she comes all the way to Charming to find out shit about his death. But why the fuck would she do that?

When I went home I tried to shut it all out but I couldn't. I told Crystal about Cain along with some of the stuff I read in Dad's journals. I asked her what she thought I should do about it. She don't ever sugar coat shit about her opinion. That's what I love about her the most; we keep shit real between us. No matter if it's a fight to the end. We say what we gotta say.

When she sat my plate down on the table I rubbed my hand over her stomach "I love you Crystal and him too."

She laughed "You don't know that yet. It could be a girl you know."

Sitting down on my lap and putting her arm around my neck "I think you should do what you think is right Abel. Don't let the others tell you what that is, not even me. Because you know that your father wouldn't have. He would have done what he wanted too no matter what anybody else wanted him to do."

Dad was right about when you find that one that holds you together; you never give them up. Crystal has given up so many things to be with me already. Her family never understood how she could be with someone like me. When they found out she was pregnant with my kid, she was totally disowned and discarded as nothing in their lives. No longer existing in their world anymore. The club has shown her that she was a part of our family and she does have people who care about her.

"Thomas thinks it's wrong and I should just let it go."

"So what if Thomas does think it's wrong? He believes that a lot of the things that happen in the club are wrong. But he doesn't ever have to deal with them Abel, you always do."

Giving me a slow sweet kiss just like she always does "No matter what you decide to do about Cain. I will support that one hundred percent. Cause your my man Abel and always will be."

Asking Crystal if she would wanna go with me on a drive. She already knew when I told her where we were gonna go "Maybe I can get Lilyan to talk to me. She is more likely to open up to me than a guy. You know woman to woman." Goddamn I love her she's always just knows what to say or do.

Lilyan's car wasn't parked in the driveway. But I saw Cain pulling out of the driveway on his bike. We tailed him and was hanging back so he wouldn't see that we were following him.

We parked across the street when he pulled his bike up by a car. A dark hair girl got out of it and Cain opened up the trunk of her car. He took out a large case. They went walking in the bar hand in hand.

Me and Crystal parked by his bike and went inside too. Finding a table in the back to sit down at. I went up and got me a beer and Crystal a coke. She actually seemed to be enjoying this "Do you know how long it's been Abel since we went out anywhere that didn't have to do with the club?"

I forget sometimes just how hard this life really is on her. How much I'm gone and she's left alone.

The lights went down low on the stage and I almost choked on my beer when I saw who was here for the entertainment tonight, Cain. That cocky little fuck sure could play the guitar and sing though. The attitude he has and his smile was all Dad. All the women in here was coming on to Cain. But he was only paying attention to the girl who came in here with him. Even Dad would have enjoyed watching this shit.

The last song they played was a slow one "Come on babe dance with me."

Crystal was right it's been so long since we've done this. Holding her and my kid as close to me as I could on the dance floor. Cain saw us dancing and gave me a little nod from the stage and I gave him one back.

After he was done him and his old lady came over to talk to me and Crystal. Everything was cool and we were just bullshiting. Until I started asking him questions about his family, his mom and his dad "This conversation is over."

They got up and walked out. Not good-bye, go to hell, nothing. So we followed them out "What the fuck is your problem Cain?"

"I said this fucking conversation is over Abel."

Getting his helmet out of his saddle bag. Cain drew a gun on me. I pushed Crystal behind me to protect her and the baby "My uncle warned me some day a biker would come around asking a lot of questions just as you did tonight. Tell your old lady to walk away. This don't got shit to do with her. He told me I gotta take that biker out when he comes snooping around to protect my family. I didn't think it would be you Abel. Sorry man it's nothing personal, it's just business. But I gotta kill ya."

* * *

><p><strong>I hope you enjoyed reading me.<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

************I do not own any of the characters; they belong to who they belong to. No copy right intended. This story is rated mature. It contains profanity, violence and adult situations.**********

**Chapter 2**

* * *

><p><strong>ABEL POV<strong>

Standing looking down the barrel of a gun from Cain. Telling Crystal to step away. No matter what happens to me, I wouldn't let nothing happen to her and my unborn child.

But being the head strong girl she is, she wouldn't budge "I'm not leaving you Abel."

"Crystal get the fuck outta here now." Watching his every move cause I wasn't sure if he had the balls to pull the trigger or not. But if he doesn't, I do and I will on him.

A car came speeding through the parking lot and came to a screeching halt. It was his fucken mother "Cain put the gun down."

"No."

Lilyan walked in between me and Cain. I wasn't sure if it would stop or if he's crazy and would shoot her too "I said to put that gun down boy now and go take Havana home."

When he lowered his gun I went for him. No mother fucker puts a gun in my face without paying the price for it. Brother or no brother "You punk little bitch."

Lilyan stopped me from doing it this time. She had her gun pointed at me "Cain is still slow on the trigger. I'm not so back off Abel. I saved you from him. So lets stop this here and now. You walk away and go home. I will handle Cain."

"You really think I'm just gonna let it go. You of all people Lilyan should know better from being with Dad. Cain is at the least gonna get his ass whipped. He'll be lucky if a beat down is all I give him. If you weren't a girl, I would beat your ass for putting that gun in my face too."

Cain was on his bike and mouthing at me when he left "Anytime you want some Abel. You know where to find me. You've got no idea what you're fucking around with. You'll be lucky if Mom doesn't kick your pussy biker ass." That little son of bitches' fate was sealed. We'll see how much of a pussy he thinks I am when I'm done with him.

Lilyan lowered her gun and with a huge smile on her face "Don't let me being a girl stop you Abel. But I think you should just take your girl friend and go home where you belong. You need to let this go."

"Cain's ass is mine and you won't always be around to save him. Nobody fucks with the Sons without paying for it."

"Well look at you. You strut around with that leather on your back like you're some big man. You puff out your chest and wear Jackson's patch like you own it. You haven't even begun to have earned it yet. But it's coming."

This bitch just crossed that line with me and pissed me off. I'm not gonna take her mouth "Don't you judge me cause I could judge you too. I know you didn't even love Dad enough to stay with him. You left him broken and didn't care. Then you stand there and talk shit about me."

"I guess that is the way you would see things. You don't know shit about me or my love for Jackson. Be a smart boy Abel. Go home and be with your family where you belong. Don't come back here again."

"What if I'm not smart? Cause I'm coming back to settle the score with Cain. You can bet your ass on that one."

"Not being smart and not thinking it through, you might not live to regret that decision Abel." If she thought threatening me was gonna make me back off, she was wrong. I don't back down from no one just like my old man taught me. It's do or die, stand tall like a man or tuck and run like a pussy. And I ain't no pussy.

Stewing all the way home over what happened. I laid down with Crystal and never caught any sleep. When the clock showed 4:00 am I decided to get up and start the day.

It was early and I thought nobody would be around yet. Tig was in the garage messing around with his bike "What are you doing here kid?"

"I couldn't sleep. I was hoping you could answer some questions for me?"

"Sure. What?"

"Tell me what really went down between Dad and Lilyan?"

"They hooked up for while and then went their separate ways. You know how this shit really works for us Abel, women come and women go."

He wasn't gonna give me any answers either. Tig was loyal to the old man. He took a bullet that saved Dad's life. He doesn't ride much anymore because of it. Just enough to keep his seat at the table. It's all he knows and will be here until the day he dies.

Trying to ask things without coming right out and saying them, Tig never budged "You know what's the important thing, they loved each other. That's all you really need to know. The rest of the shit just doesn't matter."

There was only one person that has never sugar coated anything about my life, even when she was the one that did wrong. She may not know it all with all the details but, I damn well guarantee she knows something about it. It was the next place on my list to go visit, Mom.

When I knocked on the door, a women half dressed answered it. My Mothers other half. This has just ruined girl on girl love for me. Seeing your mom being with another woman has its down side.

"What can you tell me about Lilyan?"

"What do you want to know?" I knew I came to the right place for information.

**LILYANS POV**

Taking down the box from the closet. The box that I only take down once or twice a year. The same box that I've taken down several times over the past couple of days.

When Cain and I got home from our summer vacation there was letter stuck in my mailbox. He just graduated high school and I wanted one more vacation with him before he moves out and starts his life on his own. The letter was from Jackson. I don't even know how he found me again. After reading the letter within hours I received the call from Abel. Telling me that Jackson was gone.

If I had only known before then. Maybe there would have been something that I could have done to have stopped it or helped him through it somehow. I've read it over and over but, I still don't know what he was trying to tell me. Or who he was talking about coming for him.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Lil,<strong>_

_**The biggest mistake I ever made was two weeks ago when I was here not coming to the door to see you. I've been here everyday for the past week and you're gone. Slipped away from me quietly in the night again.**_

_**A guy was there with you when I came. Your new old man. It was fear that kept me from doing it. Fearing that you wouldn't wanna see me and that you would tell me that you're in love with him. Looking back now, I should have killed him if that's what it took just to get to be with you one more day.**_

_**Now I won't get that chance to ever again. They're looking for me and it's only a matter of time until they find me. My days are numbered and I know that. I need you more today than I ever have. To lay in your arms, have you tell me you love me and everything will be okay. Then I could die a happy man.**_

_**After all these years running around flying high and falling down. Well the time has come at last to rest my heart and ease my past. I'm gonna leave these blues behind for some other fool. They won't care if I'm gone and I don't even mind if they don't. I wish I could just hide away from the world in your arms tonight. Like I use to do when you were with me cause you were the only one that ever knew the real me and loved me anyways.**_

_**Darlin don't you cry or be sad for me when I'm gone. Seeing your smiling face a couple of weeks ago made my world right again. The love I knew with you was more than my fair share. More than I ever thought I would get to know and have known since you've been gone. So I took the pain of losing you and called it an even trade.**_

_**So I'm gonna lay down all my fears, my highway blues and my rambling tears. Remember only the good times when you were mine. I'll raise my glass and I'll make a toast to us. We're better than some, harder than most. Harley man and gangster girl left their mark on every town we were ever in. Chased our dreams and we stood our ground. Nobody has ever loved each other as much as we have or in the way the biker boy and the mob girl did.**_

_**But I can't do those things no more like before and be strong. Not the way I done them when you were here. Without you by my side, I'm getting more lost everyday. Cause without you my better half just doesn't exist anymore. All that is left in me is evil and regrets. I can't hide away in your arms like I've done before.**_

_**The same wings of the angel that brought me through it all before isn't gonna save me this time. My angel slipped away from me again. Now it is blowing that fate and flame out too knowing I'll never get to be with you again.**_

_**Hide me babe in your arms just one more time. You know where to find me. I'm still in the same old place, loving the same you.**_

_**Love you till I die,**_

_**Jackson**_

* * *

><p>Sitting here wishing that I could have seen Jaxs just one more time too. I am grateful that he didn't kill the guy that was here with me. Because it was Cain he saw.<p>

I've tried to block that night out from my memory. But with everything that has happened over the last few days, it's been all I can really think about. The night the five of us went on a killing spree. Not giving a fuck who got in our way. Because we would have killed them too. We didn't stop either until we killed them all. Right or wrong it didn't matter at the time.

We shed more blood in one night than we ever did over our lifetimes between all of us. The biggest kill we made was that of Lilyan Mancini. As far as the rest of the world knows she died that night too. A part of Lilyan and Jackson died with her. I became Lilyan Wallace after that and that's who I have been ever since.

"Mom. Mom. Mom are you hearing me?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry sweetheart. What were you saying?" Folding the letter back up and putting everything else away.

"We've gotta go or we're going to be late."

Standing at the gate with Cain and Havana "What changed your mind to let me go on this trip to Italy? The last time I asked, you said there was no way in hell that was ever going to happen. Then you make all the arrangements overnight so I can go."

"Because a mother always knows best sweetheart. You two have a great trip. Call me every day so that I know you're okay. I love you Cain and I will always love you. I will see you in two weeks."

Hugging my son to me like he was a little boy again. Not letting go until they announced it was time for them to board the plane. I was hoping that my nineteen year old would not get into much trouble while he was gone with his girlfriend. It did bring a smile to my face watching them walk off from me hand in hand. Having young love shared between them. Once a upon a time I had that kind of love in my life too.

Sending my son away so I could do what I have to do. It will protect Cain because they won't know where to find him. I have to shelter him from the truth as much as I can. Truths that if he ends up finding out, I will end up loosing him to one side or the other. Keeping him away from the things that are going to bring more chaos and hell down upon us.

When my cell started ringing I knew he was just calling to bitch at me "Do you want to tell me why Cain is on his way to fucking Italy right now?" Yeah I was right he was calling to bitch. He calls Cain everyday. I was hoping that it wouldn't be until Cain was already there before he found out.

"Not really. I need to meet with you Roberto. We have a problem."

"What is the problem?"

"Abel Teller." That was all I needed to say to him. No further explanation was really necessary.

Going to do my visits of my family. I started with Gabe and Addison. Addison would be a twenty-four year old man if he were still alive. But I still always leave him a little car on his grave every time I come. He will always be my baby and that will never change. I must have a hundred cars that Jaxs has left him over the years. Each time he would leave one there always was a note taped to the bottom of it for me. He knew no matter what I would come back here.

"Hey Otto. Today is your birthday and I've missed you so much. Happy birthday, I love you." Leaving a handful of jelly beans on Otto's headstone. I always sent him a bag of them every time I wrote to him. They were his favorite. I always sent the maximum amount of goodies allowed each time too. He would share them with the other inmates on death row. It made him popular with the guys and they gave him the nickname the candy man.

It's been a while since I read all the letters from Otto. Maybe I can tonight since I won't have anything else to do while Cain is gone. But get drunk and curse my life for losing the man I loved because of who I am.

In every letter Otto wrote me back he would always write; _You're such a good daughter to waste your time and money sending those damn jelly beans to a condemned man. You now have me addicted to them and I stand in line every Thursday. Cause I know you're sending me a package or a letter. So I wouldn't want you to feel bad if you can't send me anything next week. But seriously send me one cause for the first time in years, I always smile on Thursdays. Cause I know I have something in my life to look forwards to._

Then he would end each letter with a dirty joke. I think that was just part of his charm. We did this until it was his sentenced date of death. I was with Otto on his last day on this earth. They allowed me to stay with him for two hours before he had to walk his green mile. But he didn't have to walk it alone. I was there with him until he took his last breath. Jaxs tried to see him too before his last day but, Otto refused to see him. Along with any members of the club that came to the prison.

He held Cain for the first and last time of his life. I had Otto's body buried next to Lu Anne just like he wanted. I planted white lilies in between them joining them in their forever together. It didn't take Jaxs long to figure that one out either. He was always too smart for his own good.

Imagine the look on my face when my Harley man was setting there waiting for me on Otto's birthday. Jaxs had set there waiting all day because he knew that I would come on that day. I had to get smarter about their birthday visits after that.

Jackson and I spent the most incredible five days together. Holding on to each and loving like we had never been apart. Vowing each day that we would never leave each others side again. Knowing that we had to. But it didn't matter to us. It was never a goodbye. It was until I see you again.

On the fifth day Jaxs had to leave because the club needed him. He made me promise I would still be in the same place when he came back. But he knew that wouldn't happen either. I slipped away quietly into the night away from him once more.

Not that fate didn't always keep pushing me and Jackson together over the years. Because it did several times. It ended the same way each time. We would hold on to each other as long as we could until the next time.

This was the hardest visit I had to make today, Jackson. I don't know if it was the fact it was the unsettled earth I had to stand over to look at. Or if it was the first visit I made to him here that was getting to me so much. I laid the white lilies by his head and a smoke of his brand down on the ground. Then I had a complete melt down.

Crying for I don't know how long. Every time I would try to speak to him it would just make me cry that much more. Until I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"Shit you scared me."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. But I gotta know. Is this shit all coming around again?"

"I don't know Tig. I am praying that it's not."

* * *

><p><strong>I hope you enjoyed reading me. <strong>

**Thank you for reviewing, marking this story as your favorite or alert!**


	3. Chapter 3

************I do not own any of the characters; they belong to who they belong to. No copy right intended. This story is rated mature. It contains profanity, violence and adult situations.**********

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 3<strong>

**LILYAN POV**

Tig went back with me to my house. He was bored and had nothing going on either. With Cain being gone it would be so quiet that it would drive me nuts any how. I never really have a lot of adult company so this was a treat for me.

Since I wasn't expecting guest, I had things strung out all over the table. Tig picked up the police report "What is all of this?"

"Nothing."

"Come on Lily. What have you found out?"

"I don't know anymore information than you do. I was hoping to get something out of all of it. But so far, I haven't." There wasn't anything Tig could tell me either. No matter what, there was no letting this go for me. Until I know what happened to Jackson, I won't rest.

Tig was grilling steaks in the back yard. I picked everything up from the table and stuck it in the kitchen drawer for later. He understood what I was doing and why. But, I still didn't want to talk about it anymore.

After I made a salad and started the potatoes, I took him out a beer "Thanks doll."

We must have killed about case of beer after we finished dinner. Doing some catching up with one another because it had been so long since we talked last. I was really enjoying his company until he mentioned Jackson "I don't think he ever got over you. He missed you so much Lily."

"I missed him too." There was still some truth to that even though he is gone now. I miss him more today than ever and can't seem to get him off of my mind. Tig wanted to know why I never even as much as called them or made the attempt to see any of them again.

"I did. Every so often I would park down the street and try to get the courage up to come inside. You know why I had to do that and keep my distance from everyone. Besides I know that Jackson had moved on and I didn't see a need to bring old wounds back."

"What are you talking about Jaxs never moved on? He never got past the fact he was still in love with you and wanted you to come back to him."

The last time I went to the clubhouse was about a year ago. I saw Jackson leaving on his bike with a girl on the back of it. So I left it alone. The last thing I wanted to happen was give him false hope that we could be together or to interfere with what he had going on with her. There was nothing more I wanted, other than to be with him.

"You know what we need Tig?"

"What?"

"Tequilla. A lot of Tequilla." Cutting up a bunch of limes to go with it and getting the sea salt down from the cabinet.

Tig and I drank with our shots until almost dawn. It has been forever since I've done that. Hearing someone beating on the door, I tried to get up from the couch. That's where I ended up passing out last night. Tig made it up from the recliner first "Are you expecting anyone?"

"No." He drew his gun and moved the curtain to look out. Some old habits die hard, this is what you are used to doing when you live life like we have.

"It's just Abel." Why does that not surprise me that he is here again.

"Hey kid, whats' going on?"

"I guess I could ask you the same thing Tiggy." Abel is way to cocky for his own good. It's something that I know youth can't teach you and I fear he is going to end up learning that the hard way.

He was looking me up and down. Tig gave me his shirt because when we were sitting outside last night I was getting cold from only having on a tank top and a pair of shorts. I knew what Abel was thinking. This kid was really starting to piss me off.

"What do I owe the pleasure of this visit? It's kind of early in the morning for a pop in, uninvited visit. Don't you think?"

"It's noon. I guess if you two would have gotten outta bed earlier from fucken, it wouldn't be an issue. Do ya think?"

"Watch your mouth Abel."

Nothing has changed since I've been around them. They don't allow disrespect to go on and apparently Abel hasn't learned that lesson yet either. I stepped in between them because I knew what Tig would do.

"It's okay Tig. It doesn't really matter what he thinks. Nothing happened last night between us, not that it would be any of your business if it did. Not that I want to be rude or anything but, why the fuck are you here?"

The last thing I wanted, with having a hangover this morning was to have to deal with this kid. I got the ice cream out of the freezer and sat down at the kitchen table. Picking up the bottle and pouring myself a drink "Care for one?"

Abel never answered me "Okay suit yourself."

"Do you start everyday getting drunk?"

"Do you start everyday being this annoying? What, haven't you ever seen someone drink and eat their sorrows away?"

"You and I need to talk."

"So talk."

Looking at Tig "No. Not now. I'll come back when you're alone and maybe even sober. So what time would that be, around six in the morning?"

"Good luck on that."

"I just need to use the bathroom and I'll be on my way." It wouldn't be soon enough for me. Tig showed him where it was at. I disappeared into my bedroom and waited for him to be gone.

"I gotta get back to the clubhouse. I'll call you later, okay?"

"Okay. You know we have to do something about him, right?"

"I know and I'll work on it." Tig kissed my forehead and left.

After making coffee and having a long hot shower, I felt better. My cell was ringing and I didn't recognize the number. But, I knew the area it was from, Charming "Hello."

"Lily. You have to give Abel something. He was here this morning asking me all kinds of questions. It's only a matter of time until he knows the truth."

"I'll figure out something. But while I have you on the phone Gemma, I want Jackson's wedding band back."

"What makes you think I have it?"

"Lets not play games old women. He was still wearing it and it belongs to me. You can give it to me or I will come and take it if that's the way you want it to be. Then you can also deal with Abel on your own. Finding out the truth about everything wouldn't exactly be a good thing for you either."

"Fine. Talk to Abel first, then I will give it to you." What a bitch she still is. Somethings will never change no matter how many years go by.

Getting dressed and driving to work, I noticed someone behind me "That little shit."

When I turned off into the construction project, Abel parked his bike on the dirt road across the street. I was not going to let him get to me. So I went on about my business and wouldn't give him the satisfaction of thinking it bothered me.

Waving at Abel as I was going into the job trailer, he nodded his head back at me. I was really trying to be productive but, it wasn't working. When Caleb brought in the material order he needed "Is there a guy on a bike still parked across the street?"

"Yeah. Is he a problem? Do you want me to go chase him off Boss?" He worked for Gabe for years and I rely on him a lot. Always loyal and always willing to protect me.

"No. I just wanted to know."

The next couple of hours passed by slowly. Looking through the blind; Abel was still setting at the same spot smoking on his bike. Picking up the picture of Jackson from my desk. Remembering all the rides we took together on his bike.

"Hello."

"It's time. You need to be here in an hour."

"That might be a problem."

"What is the problem?"

"Never mind. I'll handle it."

Getting in my car and pulling up beside Abel "I think your tire is flat."

"No it's not."

Taking my gun out and firing "It is now."

"You crazy bitch."

"Yeah, I get that a lot."

**ABELS POV**

"Are you sure about that Mom?"

"Yeah I am. I was there. Tara shot Lily because Jaxs left Tara for her. Lily was pregnant at the time with his baby." Dad knew about Cain then. He had to of. That still doesn't make any sense at all.

"So why did Lily leave him then?"

"I don't know. I wasn't around a lot after that and Tara would never talk about it. I came around to see you as much I could, when they would let me. Jaxs fought me about being around you. You were starting to get older and it was confusing you having two mommies. I knew Tara could and would take better care of you than me. It was a sacrifice of love and I walked away. I did that for you Abel. To make your life better even if you don't beleive that."

There seems to be a lot of things in my life that they have hidden from me. It wasn't until I got older and wanted to know about my mom that Tara told me. Tara has always been my mom and been there for me. She did take good care of me and I was always treated just like Thomas. Cause in her eyes, we were both her children. For that I'm grateful to her.

The story they told me was Wendy was a junkie whore who abandoned me. She wanted nothing to do with me at all and didn't want to see me. It wasn't until I was about sixteen I wanted to find her. Dad threw a fit about it. It was Tara that gave me her address.

Tara had kept in contact with Wendy over the years. Tara was afraid that Dad would find out she was the one that told me. He never did cause I wouldn't tell him how I found her. At least Wendy was truthful with me. She admitted what role she played in it all. Even though it hurt to hear it.

I've tried to find a place for her in my heart. I really have. I guess it's that fear she won't be around anymore that stops me from trusting her completely and letting her in. I find myself keeping her at a distance and other times wanting that closeness with her.

Mom told me a lot of shit that I didn't know. I'm sure there is a lot more shit that they are covering up too. Maybe not her but, the rest of them are. I'm just gonna keep digging until I find out the truth. Maybe Cain is not his son. But I bet there is more to that story too.

"I'll see ya later." Giving her a hug and trying to ignore her woman who wanted to join in to make it a group thing.

Riding back to Charming letting everything we talked about soak in. I don't want to blame Dad or doubt things he has told me. But I am already finding out some of it is bullshit. He always preached brotherhood and honesty with the ones you love.

Going to the next big liar on the list, Gemma. She welcomed me with a big hug at the door "Morning baby. Do you want some breakfast?"

"I'll take some coffee if you have any."

While she was making it, I thought now was a good of a time as any "Did Dad ever tell you that he wanted the club to go in a different direction? How he wanted more for it. He had a different vision for it."

"No. Why?"

"I found his journals. He was talking about getting outta guns and going more legit. His vision for the club is not what it is today."

"He never mentioned it to me."

"Then what did he mention to you?"

"You know, the normal stuff. Your father took care of business like a man. He took care of his family and the club no matter what he had to do. He loved you and Thomas more than anything. You're a Teller and that's what we do."

"Yeah it is and what I will do. I want to make him proud of me. Like I said before, what he wanted the club to be isn't what it is today."

"That was probably when he first took over the club. It was trying times for us all. Guns is what the Sons do and always will."

"What about him and Tara? Was it trying times for them too?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Sure you do. He left Tara for Lily right? He was going to have a child with her. Cain maybe?" Gemma gave a song dance about nothing. All of a sudden she was going to be late and had to get ready to leave. She might be done with this conversion but, I was far from being done with it.

Kissing my cheek before I went out the door "You and your brother are all I have left in this world. I love you more than anything. You need to let go of chasing something that was just a thought of your fathers."

Deciding that I might as well go straight to the source and hear what she had to say about it. Only it wasn't her that opened the door, it was Tig. It wasn't hard to tell what they had done. I guess since he's gone she moved on to the next Son.

Looking around the kitchen you would have thought they had a party last night with all the empty booze bottles. She of course denied everything and was all ready getting shit faced again. There was no use in trying to talk to her so I said I had to go to the bathroom.

Not going in there cause I had to pee but, to have a look around. There was nothing in there. Not as much as a toothbrush even. This won't be the last time I do this either. Lilyan has a choice to make. Tell me the truth or I'll hang around until I find it out on my own.

Parking down the street and waiting, Tig left on his bike. I hadn't seen Cain around. I've got some business to handle with him too and that score will get settled. It wasn't long until Lilyan was going somewhere and I was gonna find out everything about her I could. Even if she didn't like it.

She gave me a smile and a wave to let me know she knew I was here. That was my intent to let her know I wasn't going anywhere and I wasn't gonna hide it either.

Hanging around for about four hours just watching what was going on, different people coming and going. She works for a construction company and she finally was ready to leave. Getting on my bike to be ready to go too. I'm her new shadow and we will do it however in the hell she wants it to be.

"I think your tire is flat."

"No it's not."

"It is now." Then that crazy bitch shot it out and laughed about it.

"This is far from being over with honey." Now she will find out just how mean I can be.

Taking out my cell "Kenny send one of the prospects with a new tire. I had a blow out." There is no way in hell I was gonna tell him or any of them what happened. That score will get settled too.

Following behind the Prospect on the way back to the clubhouse. I knew what I had to. The person I had to call and the hell I was gonna start by doing it.

Going into my office it took me forever to dial all the numbers "Abel. I have missed you so much. How are you baby?"

"I'm good. There is something we need to talk about."

"I know. I didn't think it would take you this long to call when you found out about Thomas."

"What about Thomas?"

Apparently I wasn't the only one with holding information lately. Thomas had talked to Tara about leaving the club and moving where she lived. They weren't just talking about it, it was already in motion. Her husband, Tyler was letting Thomas into his practice. Thomas would do his residency then he would practice along beside him. It's that just the shit, Thomas wouldn't do things beside his own father but, more than willing to beside Tyler.

"I'm so sorry I thought he told. You could have that same opportunity. You know we would help you with a place to stay and you go back to school. In the long run..."

"Let me stop you there. It's not that I don't appreciate the offer. I'm not a nine to five kinda guy. I've got a Harley and an eleventh grade education. Being an outlaw is all I know. It's not what I do. It's who I am."

"It doesn't have to be that way. You're going to have a child of your own. You will wake up one day and see the world through different eyes. You need to get out before it's to late Abel."

"It was too late the day I took my first ride and put my leather on."

"I worry so much about you two. Every time the phone rings..I...I.."

"Please don't cry." Tara had shed enough tears over the years, for one reason or another. There was no need for her to have to again. With the news about Thomas. I didn't even bother trying to talk to her about Lilyan.

"I love you to Mom and I'll talk to you later."

Now came the decisions I was gonna have to make. If it was another member that was leaving without talking to the club first, there would be hell to pay. Once you're in, you're in for life. There are very few exceptions to that rule. Everyone at the table has to agree to let you go. Knowing that if they let you walk away alive, you could always rat.

Going out into the bar and finding the one I needed to talk to "In my office, now."

He was drinking with Kenny "What the hell did you do man?"

"I don't know. I just got here so it can't be that bad." He was so wrong about that.

Slamming the door behind him cause I was pissed "What crawled up you and died?"

"When were you gonna tell me about your new career, Doctor Thomas?"

"I was going to tell you when things calmed down around here."

"Do you really understand what can happen? I don't have control over the table. They could vote not to let you go or worse."

"It doesn't matter what they want. When it's time I'm leaving. He is gone and I am going to start living for me now."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"I stayed here so long because it was what was best for everybody involved. If I would have told Mom I wanted to leave, he would have killed her for me to stay. Because she would have come for me and you know it. I couldn't stand the thought of not being with you growing up. You have been the only thing consistent in my life. Let's face it; he wasn't exactly the best father or role model to have. He was never around. You're the one that taught me how to ride a bike, was my coach in little league and every other thing I know."

"He had a lot of shit going on and to do."

"God, I am so sick of this martyr you have made him out to be. You have a sick twisted superman version of him in you head that is not real. Was he at your baseball games or there when you really needed him the most? Have you forgotten all that?"

"I just understand more than you do. About the club and him. You really need to think this shit through. You could do those same thing here if that is what you want."

"Yeah. Spend all day saving lives. Then come here at night and kill as many as I've saved. On the weekends I could patch up members that got shot too. I'm doing this Abel and you don't have to like it. Just be there as my brother and show me as much love as you have for the club. They can have my leather that means nothing to me. I'll black out my ink that makes me ill when I look at and reminds me of just how much hate I have for him. What are you going to do about it, shoot me? Or maybe have one of your cronies do it for you."

Standing at the doorway he wouldn't turn around to face me "I am your only real brother sitting at the table. You need to remember that."

Taking out his journals. I remembered something he had written about jumping off the edge. That was what I was gonna do, jump with Thomas.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Entry 3 -<strong>_

_**Today is the day we prove who**_  
><em><strong>we are as a club, as brothers being one.<strong>_  
><em><strong>I have led them as far as I can on what I<strong>_  
><em><strong>believe and what I know is the right thing<strong>_  
><em><strong>to do. Now they have to prove it's real to<strong>_  
><em><strong>them too and we stand united one more<strong>_  
><em><strong>time. That they want it as much as I do.<strong>_

_**.**_

_**It took me a long time to figure out**_  
><em><strong>it was never Clay I had to face to be<strong>_  
><em><strong>a man or to be loyal to my club. But my<strong>_  
><em><strong>own ghost, demons that I've created in<strong>_  
><em><strong>this life of chaos for my future and my<strong>_  
><em><strong>boys future as well. But I still gotta kill him<strong>_  
><em><strong>to make shit right. That chapter in my life<strong>_  
><em><strong>needs an ending. A lot of chapters still<strong>_  
><em><strong>need an ending that I haven't found yet<strong>_  
><em><strong>nor know how to close them.<strong>_

_**.**_

_**Opie believed who ever bangs the**_  
><em><strong>gavel is corrupted by it and it brings<strong>_  
><em><strong>the chaos to the surface. He's right<strong>_  
><em><strong>it does. You can no longer travel in<strong>_  
><em><strong>a comfy cozy circle among friends that<strong>_  
><em><strong>you trust or that trust you. Cause you<strong>_  
><em><strong>have no friends, only enemies. Never<strong>_  
><em><strong>let anyone convince you differently,<strong>_  
><em><strong>cause I'm living proof of that.<strong>_

_**.**_

_**.**_

_**Entry 4 -**_

_**Everything I do is for the good**_  
><em><strong>of my club or my family. At least<strong>_  
><em><strong>that is what I tell myself knowing<strong>_  
><em><strong>some of it is a lie. Sometimes I have<strong>_  
><em><strong>to do that just to make it through one<strong>_  
><em><strong>more day, one more time and one<strong>_  
><em><strong>more ride. There will be very few<strong>_  
><em><strong>people who you let in and really<strong>_  
><em><strong>trust with it all.<strong>_

_**.**_

_**I've risked my life, my family and my**_  
><em><strong>freedom just so the club can survive. I<strong>_  
><em><strong>was taught that this was the only way it<strong>_  
><em><strong>can be and should be. But, there has to<strong>_  
><em><strong>be a better way, something that I've<strong>_  
><em><strong>missed. Maybe you'll find what I haven't<strong>_  
><em><strong>yet.<strong>_

_**.**_

_**On those days that you want outta of**_  
><em><strong>this life and don't think you can take<strong>_  
><em><strong>anymore. Stop and remember the<strong>_  
><em><strong>reasons that you found a love for the club.<strong>_  
><em><strong>Just don't be as blind as I've been and<strong>_  
><em><strong>throw away everything else. Find your<strong>_  
><em><strong>own way and let your heart lead you.<strong>_  
><em><strong>They will follow you anywhere if you do<strong>_  
><em><strong>that.<strong>_

_**.**_

_**.**_

_**Entry 5**_

_**I am always standing on the edge of the**_  
><em><strong>cliff and jumping off. The feeling of falling<strong>_  
><em><strong>keeps me awake at night and fearful<strong>_  
><em><strong>during the day. There is nothing in writing<strong>_  
><em><strong>about being an outlaw or how to be good<strong>_  
><em><strong>at it.<strong>_

_**.**_

_**The most important thing to remember is**_  
><em><strong>what it takes to be a good brother. You<strong>_  
><em><strong>fight with them but, you would die fighting<strong>_  
><em><strong>for them. When they are at their weakest,<strong>_  
><em><strong>you find more of your own strength to<strong>_  
><em><strong>make up for it. If they fall, you need<strong>_  
><em><strong>to be the hand that helps them back<strong>_  
><em><strong>up in this life to stand up on their own<strong>_  
><em><strong>again.<strong>_

_**.**_

_**I've fallen so many times and hitting a new**_  
><em><strong>bottom low. Thinking I couldn't ever get<strong>_  
><em><strong>back up. Knowing I had to cause there<strong>_  
><em><strong>are so many people counting on me.<strong>_  
><em><strong>You've got to jump off cliffs all the time<strong>_  
><em><strong>and build your wings on the way down.<strong>_

.

* * *

><p>"I hope you've found your wings Thomas. Cause were both taking the plunge on this one."<p>

"Yeah come in."

"Are you okay man?"

"Shut the door Kenny. There's something that I wanna talk to you about." Telling him what Thomas wanted to do.

"That's harsh man. I don't know which way they would vote on it."

"Keep this between us until I figure out how to deal with it. We need to make this happen. Not just for him but, the old man too."

"Okay. That girl is outside and wants to see you." This was even better. She came to me.

Everyone was standing outside talking to her; Tig, Happy and Juice "Lilyan. What do I owe the pleasure of this visit to?"

Before she could speak "Hey, I think your windshield is cracked."

"No it's not."

Taking out my gun then firing seven round into it "It is now."

"Also. I thought I noticed a dent in your door." She was shaking her head but, didn't even try to stop me. Happy and Tig didn't like it much either. They knew better than to interfere.

"Is this the way it has to be Abel?"

"Yep." As I took my foot and shoved it into her car door.

"Are you done now?"

"Not yet." Using the handle of my gun, I knocked out the driver side window.

"Now I am. What can I do for you?"

"I want to apologize for my actions the last couple of days. I haven't been myself and Jackson's death hit me pretty hard. If we could speak in private, I think I can clear everything up for you."

"Okay we can talk in my office. You really need to get your car fixed. The garage can have that repaired in a couple of day. Of course I'm gonna charge you for it."

"Of course you are."

She laid everything out on my desk for me. I was wrong, Cain is not my brother. A man by the name of Kevin Wallace was on everything, including the birth certificate "I am sorry to disappoint you. But Cain is not his son."

"I don't know what to say Lilyan. I'm sorry for bothering you."

"It's okay. I completely understand. You just lost your father and it has to be hard becoming the President of the club. You have a lot on your plate. Is this officially a truce between us?" She held out her hand to me.

"Yeah." Shaking her hand.

"Oh and before you leave. I have something for you." Going to my safe and taking out the notebook marked; _Ricochet Of Love._

"This is about you and I think you should have it."

Standing in front of her with it inches from her hand. She reached out to take it then pulled her hand back. Closing her eyes and taking in long deep breaths "I can't. I don't think I could handle it." With that she was gone.

It was a long, strange and exhausting day. I was ready to call it quits and go home. On the ride home I was kinda ashamed of myself for giving Lilyan such a hard time for no reason. It still doesn't explain everything. I'll at least let it rest, for now.

The lights were off when I went in. I was trying to be quiet. Watching Crystal sleep as the moonlight shined on her body through the window. With each breath she took her stomach would rise and fall too. Taking my clothes off and setting down in the chair beside the bed.

There was no need to wake her up. I know she is exhausted and I haven't been around much to help her out around here. She needs her sleep and so does the baby. I wanted her so much but, still didn't want to wake her.

Rubbing my hand lightly over her belly, caressing it. Feeling Crystal starting to move around on the bed and moan. She is more beautiful to me than she will ever know. I don't know why she has been worried about the weight she has gained with the baby. I find her little bump so sexy and sweet. I think her biggest fear is that I'll stray and won't want her. She is so wrong. Tonight I could take her ten times and not get enough of her or be deep enough inside her.

My cock was wanting to touch her too. Make love to her and show her just how much I desired her body. I don't want to hurt her or the baby and we only have sex when she wants it. But that doesn't mean I don't think about fucking her many different ways and a hundred times a day.

Taking my shaft in my hand. It felt nothing like being with her. No warmth, dry and not any of the emotions that only she has reached within me. The only woman I will ever love and let completely in. Stroking it faster while looking at my woman's body sprawled out in front of me for the taking and thinking about times we were together before. Those times when she drove me crazy and we experienced love together.

Crystal set up in bed "Do you want me to help?"

Letting go of my cock "I was just um..um.."

"Love me Abel." She didn't even care she caught me jerking off. She wanted to feel me as much as I need to feel her.

Leaning my back against the head-board so she could straddle me. I'm always afraid to put all of my weight on her body. Feeling her wet pussy slowly sliding down on my cock. Kissing her while having my hand on her stomach as she rocked back and forth on my cock, rocking my world at the same time. I was giving them both as much love as I could give.

It didn't take her long to get me there. She is the only one to reach that part of me too. Holding on to her and my baby when I came inside of her "I love you Crystal."

"I love you too. Did you see what I left out for you?"

"No. What?"

"Today was my doctor's appointment. I found out what the sex is of the baby."

"Shit. I'm so sorry babe. I got busy and forgot."

"Its okay. Go look at the picture of your child."

Picking the picture up of my daughter. Crystal was right, we're having a little girl. The sonogram had on it;_ Baby Teller and the date._

Crystal had out her photo album and picked up the sonogram that Dad had in his wallet "Where did this come from?"

"It was Dads." Looking at it again; _Andrew Cain Teller and the date on it._

"That lying bitch."

* * *

><p><strong>I hope you enjoyed reading me!<strong>

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